Have you ever had to give bad news to someone you care for? The dread can overtake you. In the hours leading up to the big conversation, you might notice your thoughts rushing around in your head yet somehow stuck on a single thought — “What do I do?” This kind of a reaction means you really care about how the conversation goes. It means you love this person enough to want to keep them from ever experiencing pain.

One of the hardest parts of a break up is figuring out what’s yours and what belonged to the relationship. The thought of sorting it all out can be overwhelming and sometimes it might feel like the best thing to do is just forget about dating altogether. But you deserve the effort it takes to move on and get back out there — whatever you want that to look like.

If you want to be dating with purpose, you have to learn to initiate. Whether you’re initiating the second date, initiating sexual intimacy, or initiating a conversation about building conflict, initiation is the key to keeping your relationship healthy. Being able to initiate something between you and your partner(s) gives you power in your relationship, and when all partners have access to that power, we get these beautiful, balanced, and fulfilling relationships.

Dating can be hard. It’s exhausting building up all the energy to get all cute, meet someone new, and put yourself out there, only to find yourself on the fifth first date of the month. If you’re stuck in a dating rut, you might be wondering: am I the problem?