Moving on and getting back out there
One of the hardest parts of a break up is figuring out what’s yours and what belonged to the relationship. Maybe you loved Friday movie nights with a pizza — or maybe it was a thing you enjoyed because of who you were with, or maybe even because that person loved it. The thought of sorting it all out can be overwhelming and sometimes it might feel like the best thing to do is just forget about dating altogether.
But you deserve love, if you want it.
You deserve partnership and commitment, if you want it. You deserve the effort it takes to move on and get back out there — whatever you want that to look like.
The End of a Relationship
It sucks. There is so much to figure out: who gets the couch, our Board Game Night friends, the expensive gifts from your last anniversary? But you also have so much to figure out emotionally. Processing the love you had and understanding the love you need can be a daunting task. But if you can be patient and gentle with yourself, you can prepare to date with purpose.
Your mind might be swirling with a thousand questions, but here are some you can reflect on that might bring more closure than confusion.
What did I enjoy about that relationship?
What was I missing from that relationship?
How can my needs be met through the remaining relationships in my life?
What do I need to feel like I can invest in another relationship in the future?
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to dealing with a break up. All you can do is give your heart the time it needs to stretch into this new way of loving. As all those questions swirling around in your head start to slow down, you’ll start to find more space — maybe even new space. And when that space is ready to date again, you’ll know.
The Start of Something New
It doesn’t suck. It can be hard to get back out there — especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time — but it also should be fun. So much of what makes a relationship work is friendship. It’s things like fun, adventure, and flirting that attract people to each other and ultimately build the foundation for strong relationships. This means, if it sucks, it’s probably not something that will last.
Sure, creating that new dating profile when all your best pictures from the last three years include your ex is hard. But hard doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. The key to dating with purpose is to stay aligned with who you are and what you want. If you want a relationship with a lot of laughter, maybe don’t swipe on that person who isn’t smiling in any of their pictures. Or maybe you want a relationship with a lot of adventure? Make that clear on your date! Whether you’re choosing to meet at a new restaurant or scrolling through the photos from your last trip as you tell them the stories — spend your time the way you want to spend your relationship.
If you can be unabashedly yourself from the jump, you give people the opportunity to understand who you are and what you’re looking for, immediately weeding out dating partners who aren’t looking for the same things. But it also means that you’re making the process of dating a thing you actually want to participate in, eliminating all the hemming and hawing about sending that first message. Getting back out there is all about spending your time, your way. So when the person who wants to spend their time the same way comes along, you’re already enjoying yourselves.
