The Golden Rule, but for You

You know the Golden Rule: do unto others as you’d have done on to you. But what if you’re a people pleaser, you have loose boundaries, are accustomed to pouring out more than you have to give? To do kindness unto others, you have to do kindness unto yourself.

What is Self Compassion?

You know what compassion is and you give it to others all day every day. You give them compassion because you know accidents happen, not every day is your best day, and ultimately you believe people are inherently good and well-intentioned. But what about you? What if, instead of beating yourself up for forgetting another due date, you cut yourself some slack. Maybe you could think, “Huh? Another late project? Maybe something is going on for me. I have been overwhelmed recently; maybe I could ask for some help.”

Self-compassion is all about giving yourself the same compassion you’d give to anyone else. It’s the choice to treat yourself just as kindly as you’d treat your most precious loved ones. Because after all, your mind and your body are a package deal until the end of your days — hurting your own feelings only stands to hurt you in the long run. Instead of endlessly berating yourself for your challenges and short comings, you can comfort yourself through them.

Self-compassion requires three core strategies:

Self-kindness.

To be compassionate towards oneself, you must be kind. You must forgo harsh judgements and belittling for the opportunity to treat yourself gently. You are so much bigger than your short comings.

Common humanity.

Self-compassion also requires a recognition that pain and failure are part of the human experience. We all fail. We all wish we were doing something better. You are never alone in your suffering.

Mindfulness.

Being mindful allows us to approach our challenges from a balanced state. When you are mindful, you can remember that suffering is temporary. It will help you to both think and feel without exaggeration or judgement.

Using a self-compassionate approach to your areas of growth can simplify the process. Being kind to yourself means there are no extra layers of judgement, isolation, or over-thinking that can stand between you and your goals. After all, no one soothes their anxiety by berating themselves or separating from their support network.

Making It Work

Next time you find yourself in a moment of self-criticism, grab a chair. Imagine your favorite person sitting in that chair. Pull to your heart all the affection you feel for that person and let it warm your chest. Now, imagine they are dealing with a similar challenge to you, and they criticize themselves with the same harsh words you used to describe yourself just a moment ago. What would you say to that friend? How would you comfort them? How would you remind them how capable they really are?

Write those supportive messages down in a journal or on a sticky note for your mirror, and read them to yourself. Whenever that voice in your head gets too critical, too harsh, too unkind — speak to yourself like your precious. Because you are.

If you think this could be helpful to you and you’d like to learn more, learn more at www.selfcompassion.org.