Choosing acceptance
When things get hard, you have two options: you can avoid it or you can accept it. Avoidance is our way of cutting out negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so all that’s left is a glowing record of all the good things happening in your life. So, yeah, you love your body. Curves and all! But true acceptance means some days you probably don’t love your curves. True acceptance means some days it’s harder to love your crooked nose than others. Or it could even mean that some days you don’t love your nose at all.
Avoidance v. Acceptance
When you choose avoidance over acceptance, you start to build these walls. Think about that one relative who always has something to say to you. They never ask how you’re doing; they always present their opinion like it’s fact; they make you feel small and unimportant. If you choose to avoid them, there goes memories of happy holidays in their home. If you choose to avoid your body, there goes shopping sprees or using your body to enjoy hobbies, relationships, etc. Avoidance boxes us in. Avoidance tells us the only way to be safe is to not go there, or there, or there. Avoidance makes our lives small.
But you deserve so much more. You deserve the feast served up at those holiday gatherings, or those shoes that are just your style and size! You deserve all the fullness life has to offer, but you have to accept it entirely. You can’t separate the silver lining from the storm cloud. Life is more complex that.
Acceptance is all about recognizing that life is constantly in motion, cycling through positive and negative experiences. Acceptance reminds us we won’t always feel the way we do right now. It tells us for every hard day, there’s going to be an easy one. The world is full of relatives who don’t make their loved ones feel valued. And, the world is full of relatives who do — and that’s just how it goes.
If you find yourself getting too attached to the judgement of the experience, you don’t really get to experience it. And, unfortunately, it can mean you don’t get to experience the next one either. Choosing acceptance offers closure from one experience to the next, meaning you keep moving forward in your life, your goals, and your emotions.
Choosing Acceptance
So, how do you do it? First, patience. You may not be good at acceptance your first time, and it may be harder to accept some things than others, so be gentle with yourself. After all, acceptance is about moving forward — it’s not about getting stuck beating yourself up for not being able to do everything perfect every time.
Next? Notice your judgements. On your drive home from the office or after a first date, take notice of how you categorize this experience. Are you labeling it a positive experience? A negative experience? Or was it complex, with its merits and its lessons? Expand your mind to accommodate the richness of the experience. And use that information to push you towards your next action.
Don’t forget, nothing is forever.
