It takes a village
It takes a village to raise a child. To teach them life lessons, to give them love, and to structure an environment in which that child belongs. The village helps make a happy, healthy, well-rounded child. And that child grows into a happy, healthy, well-rounded adult that also has super powers where nothing bothers them ever and they never need any help from anyone else because they had such a good childhood, right?
No.
Adults need a village, too. We all need a village. We all need a network of people who care about us to help guide us through life’s big milestones, to support us in the challenges of adulthood, and to celebrate the lives we build beyond our childhood homes.
It takes a village.
Our culture makes these assumptions that adulthood comes with having everything figured out, or like adulthood was the end goal all along. But adulthood is just a label put on us after a certain age. A label, too, which will be used against us if we ever fail or faulter. “Just wait until that kid is out on his own; reality is really going to set him straight.” It’s as if our childhood’s are the only gifted time we have to wander, to experiment, to live.
And childhood comes with a set of rules, too. One in which you aren’t given the freedom to make all of your decisions. Even at 17 years old caregivers are telling you not to be late to school and to hug your grandmother. It’s not until adulthood that we really become responsible for our lives. Having to make all your own decisions and saddle all your own consequences is daunting even to older adults. Throw in this added pressure that you no longer get to access this support network that you’ve had your whole life and it’s easy to see why so many young adults experience a crisis at some point in this transition.
But adulthood isn’t the end goal. There is no end goal. Living is the only goal and that goal is right now — each and every moment achieved. The added pressure of needing have it all figured out or to be super independent just makes it harder to achieve the goal of living. Can you extend some compassion to your adult self? Can allow yourself the luxury of a village to love you, and support you, and celebrate you?
Reimagine what adulthood means to you. Free yourself of the burden of hyper-independence. Let go of assumed timelines for getting married, buying a house, starting a family. Find your adult village and live your life with them.
