Not your mother’s sex talk

Can you remember when your adult caretaker gave you the talk? Maybe your mom went on for hours about contraception, or your uncle said something like “no glove, no love.” Does your skin shiver just remembering all the embarrassment? 

The Talk is widely understood to be one of the most uncomfortable moments of a young person’s life, but it’s also one of the most foundational moments – establishing a series of expectations for one’s sexual identity for the rest of their life. And for so many, the embarrassment we feel from The Talk can convert into sexual shame for ourselves. 

Which means you — the caretaker for this growing human — have quite the responsibility. The way you handle The Talk can impact how your child comes to understand their sexual identity, how they’ll treat their sexual partners, or even how they’ll handle themselves when faced with a sexual opportunity. 

Check out these tips to make sure your young person has the most open minded sex talk of all their friends. 

Assure your child their sexual desires are normal and healthy

While everyone person’s sexuality is unique to their experience, each person’s sexual desires are normal. This includes if your child is attracted to people of the same sex, if your child has no interest in sex, and if your child just isn’t ready to explore their sexuality. While your child is figuring it out, it’s important to make sure they know whatever it is and wherever they are in this journey, it’s healthy for them to explore their own sexuality in their own way and in their own time. 

Empower your child to make their own decisions about sex

You may have your own opinions about whether or not your child is ready for sex, or even about how they express and experience their sexuality, but it’s important you keep those opinions to yourself. Your child is the expert in their own experience and only they can know what feels good for them. If you empower your child to make their own decisions about sex, they’ll be better prepared to make those decisions with any future sexual partners.

Teach your child how to ask for consent in a sexual scenario

In making their own decisions about sex, we get to consent! Every person has the right and ability to make decisions about their own sex life. That means your young person also has to extend that right to any sexual partners. And while there’s always a bit of weirdness when talking about asking for consent, there’s nothing weird about doing it. It’s okay to say, “can I touch you here?” Or, “would you like to do this to me?” If your child knows how to ask for consent, they’re one step closer to having the sexual experiences they want to have.

Encourage your child to do their own research

It can be hard to make sense of all different influences young people experience specifically about sex. Trying to synthesize what they’re friends are saying, what you’re saying, and what they feel inside themselves can be really tricky. Remind your child they don’t have to have it all figured out and they don’t have to listen to any one other person for their own sex life. Encourage them to hop on the internet to learn from experts on all kinds of topics like STIs, contraception, consent, and more. As they continue to learn, they’ll be able to feel out what does and doesn’t work for them.

Continue the conversation as they learn and gain experiences

The Talk isn’t a one-time conversation. Make sure your child knows you’re there to answer their questions, if they have any, but also that it’s okay to discuss sex as much as any other topic. If we limit our conversations about sex to just one time with our parents, we develop these taboos that make it hard to talk about sex again. And that can include making it difficult to talk about sex with a sexual partner, which can lead to unwanted or unsafe sexual experiences. By normalizing conversations about sex, your child will learn that there is no place for secrets or shame in their sex life.

If you can put your young adult in the driver seat, they’ll easily navigate themselves through their sexual awakening!