Is my relationship toxic?
Read the news, watch a movie, or grab coffee with some old friends — you’re all but guaranteed to witness some toxic relationships. It’s almost as though unhealthy relationships have their own appeal. Whether we’re romanticizing jealousy or framing an abusive ex as a right of passage, we’ve all internalized some idea of unhealthy relationships as normal. Which means we’re likely to find ourselves in one of those relationships at some point in our lives. Knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships can help you have the relationships you want, without wasting time on the relationships you don’t.
What makes a relationship abusive?
Abusive relationships are categorized by a pattern of intentionally controlling or manipulative behaviors designed to keep one person in a position of power. There are infinite ways an abusive person may impose power over their partner(s), but the common thread is always a motivation for control. It’s important to think about what areas of your life are most important to you, and how much control do you feel you have over them. If you’re finding that you don’t have a lot of independence or space for your own thoughts, feelings, or actions, it may be time to question your loved ones motivations.
Is my relationship toxic?
Only you can know the answer to this question. You’re relationships are yours to know and define — no one else’s. If your friends or family are expressing concern, thank them for their love and lean into your own expertise on the matter. How do you feel in your relationship? Does your partner make you feel safe? And don’t limit yourself just to physical safety — do you feel safe to have all your emotions, to express your opinions, and to move about the world in the ways that feel good for you? If you feel good about your relationship, we do too.
What if my relationship is unhealthy?
You have a lot of choices! Some unhealthy relationships lose their value and it’s okay to terminate them. But some unhealthy relationships are still really important to us. If your important relationships are unhealthy, you can recruit your partner(s) to help it grow. Share your concerns with your loved one(s) and ask for their input on possible solutions to get your relationship to a place you can both be fulfilled. You can read some new books, watch some informative videos, or even start counseling to work through your relationships unique challenges. And don’t forget, even unhealthy relationships have strengths. Start with your strengths and you’ll find yourselves on the best path forward.
